Free Child

This child is up for free adoption. Inquiries should be sent to his parents. The picture below depicts the child in juvenile detention, eating his evening ration of bread and water.



Be warned that the child may cause permanent damage to personal property without remorse. In the last 48 hours he has:

• Broken his bed
• Urinated on the floor
• Defecated on the floor, and smeared the feces over 10 square feet
  
• Urinated on the floor again
• Been taken out of church (out of the building, not just the room) for disrupting the congregation
• Escaped from a 4-point car seat harness (yes, like Houdini)
  

This boy has the unique ability to teach his behaviors to younger children. This afternoon, Graham took his diaper off for the first time and peed on his floor from inside his crib. (If you want to borrow our steam carpet cleaner, you can't, because we use it on a regular basis.)

Did I mention he's three? Did I mention we'll pay the shipping costs for the adoption?

One more warning: he's absolutely adorable and his laugh is contagious, so forgiveness and forgetfulness come all too easily...it's part of his plot.